Marriage is the Grave of Love
Marriage is the Grave of Love is not fresh to the young generation and is held as a truth by some youngsters. To some extent, this saying has stated clearly what the relationship between marriage and love is. Marriage is indeed a milestone on the road of the development between the couples. Any alteration of the relationship will change the previous feelings.
When two people get married, the reduction of distance would make it possible for both of them to expose previously covered defects. The rediscovery of these defects may contribute to the fading of love.
What s more, after the marriage, the couple is not romantic lovers any more, but realistic husband and wife. They have to face butter and bread instead of candle lit dinners, they have to handle financial problems rather than where to take a exciting trip, and they have to encounter arguments instead of sweet whispers Most of the things after marriage are everything but romantic which is closely related to love. Obviously, realism kills love!
However, the essential reason for the loss of love is the vanishing of love deference. Love deference is the recognition one holds for the other s love value. In marital life, it is unnecessary to be polite and everything becomes so common and routine that it is very easy for them to lose the feeling of adoration and the heavenly affection toward each other. Hence, the love deference is gradually vanishing.
If the analysis from the daily life s angle doesn t sounds convincing enough for there are always exceptions, we should look at the issue from a psychological perspective.
Many people are familiar with the well known saying from Carmon: love is a free bird . Love is definitely free while marriage is restrictive. Love is disengaged and nonscheduled while marriage is the on the opposite. Love shall lose its freedom and vitality in marriage.
Everybody may admit that absence makes the heart grow fonder . People are more likely to discover the shining points of the other and be attracted to each other when they are not as close as spouses. That is to say, when the couple is too close, the attractiveness will decrease.
What s more, love accumulates energy while marriage releases energy. Love inspires lovers to store the passion and affection for each other, the energy increases as the love deepens. However, marriage requires energy to maintain and polish, thus passion and affection are consumed day after day until the source is used up.
The longer time the two spend together, the more similarities and fewer varieties they hold. Many people shall have the experience that similarities arouse kinship and differences stir adoration. So the adoration is replaced by kinship step by step in the marriage life.
Besides this, human nature is that people tend to be fickle in affection. When someone is around you everyday, the freshness is no longer there. Just like a new clothes, people may feel excited and fresh the first few days. But as time goes by, people are getting used to it, no excitement or freshness. Later, people even can not feel it when they are wearing it. The longtime monotonic stimulation has no effect on the nerve system any more. People may even have the sense of burnout. Unfortunately, the same is true with love.
Nowadays, marriage is not the prior choice for young people, nobody wants his/her love to go to grave. According to a research covering twenty European counties, conducted by the French National Statistics Bureau, fewer and fewer Europeans get married. Regarding to the already existing marriage, the permanence rate has reduced in all these countries. In Sweden, Belgium, and Finland, more than half of the marriages are ended in divorce. In China, a typical oriental country, the situation is pretty much alike, fewer people get married and more people get divorced. Take Beijing for example, according to the governmental statistics, in 2002, there is one couple get divorced while less than two get married per day.
To summon up, theoretically and practically, marriage is the grave of love. Marriage is the manifestation of love when two people are just getting married, and it is a killer of love as well when they have got
